By Keaton Forsythe
**disclaimer: This post is in no way intended to make light of COVID-19 or those affected by it.**
Yes, The Avengers are clearly somewhere off-world. Maybe they’re trying different shawarma varieties all over the galaxy in celebration of their massive victory in Avengers: Endgame. But at any rate, they’re not here to help us with the coronavirus. As such, I have compiled a list of superhero movies (along with coffee pairings, of course) that will provide us with hope, comfort, and hopefully the inspiration to help our fellow humans if we can. Remember, you can be a hero just by staying inside, but there are other options too: you can go to the grocery store for someone who should not leave the house, call your elderly family members just to give them a social outlet, or write posts about which movies people should binge watch. That’s right, I’m your hero today.
You’ve likely already watched several movies during the quarantine and are itching to get back to normalcy because you’re tired of watching through the MCU or the Christopher Nolan Batman Trilogy again. Here’s where I come in…I’m going to give you some superhero films you probably haven’t been watching.
So kick back, relax, grab a coffee like Daredevil here...
And let’s get started:
So kick back, relax, grab a coffee like Daredevil here...
And let’s get started:
Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man Trilogy (or Spidrilogy if you’re an intellectual)
Coffee pairing: French Press.
The French Press is like this Spider-Man trilogy in a lot of ways. At first, it’s satisfying. The French really do make a lot of things well. (Side note: remind me to Google Sam Raimi’s surname origin.) The beginning and middle of this trilogy are great, much like a brew of French Press coffee. And like the trilogy, the middle of the French Press is the best part; subtly sweet but still has that strength you loved in the first few sips. Whenever I make French Press and have a friend over, I pour them the second cup. You’re used to the coffee at that point, but not bored by it. Every sip gets better and better, and you think it can’t possibly get any better than this. And you’re right. As you get to the bottom third of the French Press, you start to notice there are most likely grounds at the bottom, even in the highest quality French Press, which of course, none of us can just run out and buy right now. If your grind is coarse enough, there won’t be much. But there’s always some sort of mess you’re dreading at the bottom of your cup. Some people call that silt; I like to call it Topher Grace.
Spider-Man (available on Hulu)
Sam Raimi’s Spidrilogy was the first set of movies to give me hope that we may see something as ambitious as The Avengers on the big screen. The first movie was a massive success. It stays true to the comics, has incredible acting and stunts, and is as good of a tourism commercial for New York City as When Harry Met Sally could ever hope to be. Tobey Maguire is the best iteration of Peter Parker we’ve ever seen on the big screen. Sorry to everyone who disagrees with me, but you’re wrong. (One of these days I’ll post my definitive Spider-Actor rankings, but for now just know that Tobey is at the top of my list for Peter Parker portrayals, not Spider-Man portrayals.) He’s nerdy, he’s got the most punchable face in Hollywood, and he nails (absolutely NAILS) the bewildered, “oh-no-my-best-friend’s-dad-is-a-murderer” face. Combine this with a scene of Willem Dafoe talking to himself in the mirror (which haunted my third-grade nightmares), an iconic portrayal of J. Jonah Jameson by J.K. Simmons that cannot be replicated, and an incredibly detailed suit that no high schooler could’ve ever made on Parker’s budget, and you have my first favorite movie of all time. This entry is a strong one. I just wish we could throw trash at COVID-19 like the plucky New Yorkers in the film. Sign me up as the guy who says, “You mess with one of us, you mess with all of us!”
Spider-Man 2 (available on FX NOW)
Remember when sequels were bad? Apart from Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back and Air Bud: Golden Receiver, sequels used to be all-but-guaranteed duds. Spider-Man 2 is the first superhero movie I can think of that flips that trope on its head. I love this movie so much that I spent over $40 of my parents’ and grandparents’ money to see it in the theater multiple times. And Alfred Molina absolutely steals this one the same way Willem Defoe stole the first one, albeit with a very similar “talking to yourself” scene, but it works really well. This is also a movie where you really get to see Peter at his most vulnerable. He loses his powers for a bit and has to re-learn how to be Peter Parker. A car comes tumbling into the cafe where he’s patching things up with MJ and he has to become Spider-Man again. The action is incredible, the villain’s motivations are much more well-defined, and the CGI is surprisingly very good (and not just for 2004)! The bottom line is that this movie rocks. It’s about accepting who you are and combining that with what you could be at your best. Try and tell me that’s not a message we all need to hear right now.
Spider-Man 3 (available on Netflix)
Remember when I suggested sequels don’t have to be bad? Well, Sam Raimi (and/or Sony Pictures, depending on your perspective) flipped that on its head and made a busy, messy, crowded Spider-Man movie. Yes, that black suit was amazing. So was Sandman. But three villains in one movie is way too much, and we learned that the hard way with Spider-Man 3. In keeping with the French Press commentary, the movie gets down to the gritty, dark, intense flavor that all self-proclaimed drinkers of black coffee lie about loving. Yes, Sam Raimi knows how to write a villain. Norman Osborn, Otto Octavius, Harry Osborn, and now Flint Marko can testify to that. But what Sam Raimi doesn’t know is how to write three good villains at once. Or maybe he just doesn’t know how to get past the casting choice of Topher Grace as Eddie Brock. Whichever casting director thought of Eric Forman as a Big Bad needs to take a long look at themselves in the mirror (and stop talking to themselves).
This movie has so much potential. Peter has someone else to compete with for MJ’s affections, and that person isn’t already inside the inner circle. The Symbiote becomes a factor and asks Peter to confront his inner demons in a way that’s strangely empowering. It’s almost cathartic to see him going goth and being assertive and confident. That is, until the dance scene. That’s where you lose me.
But since we all need positivity right now, here’s my most positive take on the movie: Sandman is brilliant as a villain. His story is easily the most heartbreaking of any character in the Spidrilogy. Yes, even more heartbreaking than the guy in Spider-Man 2 who thinks he’s getting a free slice of pizza only to have it taken away right before he takes a bite. And as a movie, it does round out the trilogy rather nicely. I know there were talks and even a script for a Spider-Man 4, but if you think of the Spidrilogy as a Harry Osborn story, it really does end well. Overall, the trilogy is a fun ride and if you’re looking to kill 7 hours; I highly recommend it.
Daredevil (available for rent/purchase on Apple and Amazon)
Coffee pairing: The darkest roast coffee in the grocery store aisle, brewed and forgotten about in an automatic drip, and microwaved at 3 pm.
Yeah, this is by far the most elaborate coffee pairing ever, but it’s also the simplest. And in a weird way, that kind of fits the vibe of this gritty 2003 work of art. I can honestly say this is my favorite pre-Nolan attempt at a gritty superhero movie. The cast is incredibly star-studded. Yes, Ben Affleck was a huge get for director Mark Steven Johnson, but he wasn’t the only massive star in this one. Jennifer Garner is great as Elektra, Colin Farrell and Michael Clarke Duncan (RIP) are absolutely terrifying as the villains Bullseye and Kingpin, and Jon Favreau and Ellen Pompeo are perfectly serviceable as Foggy Nelson and Karen Page, respectively.
While this movie would later be re-made into a Netflix TV show that had some of the best one-shot fighting sequences of all time, it still holds up to this day. There are definitely some strange artistic elements that are VERY 2004, like Batfleck — I mean Mattfleck — I mean Matt Murdock — and Elektra fighting in the parking lot for no other reason than to convince Elektra that Murdock isn’t as creepy as he seems to be, and of course the classic moment when Joe Pantoliano’s Ben Urich just so happens to know that if he throws his cigarette on a certain spot in the subway station it will ignite Daredevil’s double D logo. And if all of that wasn’t enough, just wait until Jennifer Garner’s Elektra has a very cool montage of stabbing sand bags to the tune of Evanescence’s “Bring Me To Life”. Gosh, if you haven’t seen this movie, please do so immediately. It’s fantastic. And enjoy your burnt coffee. You’ll walk away from both thinking, “man, that was a waste of time, but I sure am glad I consumed it.”
Superman Returns (available for rent/purchase on Apple and Amazon)
Coffee pairing: Vanilla Latte.
Superman Returns is a fun flick that deserves more credit than it gets. Kevin Spacey (yes, internet, I know we canceled him) is marvelous as Lex Luthor, and Kate Bosworth’s Lois Lane is *chef’s kiss*. People really hate on this movie, but it has all the elements of a classic Christopher Reeve Superman flick: elaborate Lex Luthor plans, a bright blue Superman suit, incredible Fortress of Solitude set design, and Supes taking Lois Lane for a little flight to make her fall in love with him again. It’s a near-perfect copy and paste of the Reeve Superman franchise, right down to Routh’s look. And that’s why it pairs well with a vanilla latte. If you’re looking for something that will do the job you need it to do, taste pretty good, but not be so exciting that you want more, look no further.
Fantastic Four (2005) (available on Sling or Fubo)
Coffee pairing: Cortado
The Cortado is actually one of my favorite coffee drinks. It’s essentially just espresso mixed with an equal amount of warm steamed milk. It’s not frothy and it’s not too sweet, but it takes away the “bite” that espresso tends to have because of how acidic it usually is.
That’s kind of how Fantastic Four is. (I’m not including the sequel, Rise of the Silver Surfer at this time because I just don’t want to.) The movie has a lot of flavor and kick, but with just enough sweetness to keep it light and fun. Jessica Alba’s Sue Storm doesn’t age well considering she’s being fought over by the villain and Ioan Gruffudd, who I swear I always thought was Ted from How I Met Your Mother, but she, along with the rest of the cast, is straight out of the comic books. Chris Evans’ performance as a cocky dude who definitely didn’t need the power of fire to get cooler is iconic, and can we please talk about his range as an actor? Another post? Alrighty then. The dialogue is a perfect pre-MCU mix of serious and funny, with Michael Chicklis’ Ben Grimm/The Thing bringing the seriousness and Chris Evans’ Johnny Storm/Human Torch bringing the “can you stretch every part of your body?” jokes. All in all, this is a fun film that will bring anyone out of a quarantine-induced funk.
What other superhero movies would you like to see us pair with a cup of joe?
